Saturday, August 4, 2012

Funktified...and not liking it

Get ready, I'm about to get real on ya... I woke up in a major funk today. First, I didn't roll out of bed until 10:00a.m., that's about 2 hours later than usual I wouldn't have even gotten out of bed if it wasn't for J', he always makes me feel better plus he made me some oatmeal. I woke up feeling uglier than all sin. I woke up very resentful at a man that was a major part of my life for 20 years. I haven't spoken with this person for about 6 years nor will I probably ever speak to him again, but my head was full of dreams of him from the (horrible) nights sleep the night before. I haven't shaken these crushing feelings all day. There are circumstances and situations in life you just cannot change, but I wouldn't wish these feelings on's just not right. Along with my restless nights, I am going strong on my victuals (don't like the word diet). I tried to "do my hair" today to make myself feel pretty, which sent me into more of a funk due to nothing working right, which then made me start regretting cutting off all of my hair. I am cutting out a lot of things that I've been doing, taking and eating for the last 6 years...I'm positive it is in full correlation to the restless nights, f***'d up dreams, and raging emotions during the day. I am very blessed to have J' be right by my side to 1~walk away when I get to be a little too much to handle and 2~come right back and hug me as tight as he can...and also telling me how pretty I am (even if I don't believe it!). I pray that every person out there to have someone to (be able to) stand by your side as I do. No matter who you are I think we all have our crazy side and our not so pretty side and of course we have all of our other amazing sides that everyone falls in love with. The other sides show that you are human and sadly when it comes down to it, that's just what we are...for now. Every day I am in the process of learning more about myself and how I can make me better. Now, this is a hard job but nobody is going to do it for me. Just be patient with me while I work through this process. I am accepting of all good juju, positive thoughts and love & hugs from anywhere and everywhere. Love to you all


1 comment:

  1. It's great to have J who stands by you in sickness & in health... It's also good to have sisters who stand by each other - so thankful for that with you!
    This transition time will not be easy, some days may be less than desirable and other days may make you feel insanity has set in. You can do this. I have faith in you. I'm proud of you for being honest & transparent in your blog so it can be an encouragement to others.
    You are one of the most amazingly beautiful people I know....dressed up or down, hair short or long, skin flawless or blemished - you are a gorgeous creation! It's so frustrating that for both of us the mirror & our minds tell us lies! Dirty rotten nasty lies...
    Hang in there sista, I love you and stand by you.